the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize