Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
