I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
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