just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
even my farts smell like vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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