Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
