My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
