sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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