you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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