Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
