Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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