I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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