You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
