I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
