So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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