I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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