Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
and you fell through a lawn chair
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
