I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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