so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
