I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
