this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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