Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
