I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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