Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
