Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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