Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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