My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize