no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When are your genitals available?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
