Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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