There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
