I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
