he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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