I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
