What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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