i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
