Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
