how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
