I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
