I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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