you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
