Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
