sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
