if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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