Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
