I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize