i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
