is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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