Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
