I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
