Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
