Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
