3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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