New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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