i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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