After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
