I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
