u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
