At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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