I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
